OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize