I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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