evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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