the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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