So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
