Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize