nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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