I murdered the dance floor call the cops
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
