Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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