I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
