My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
