there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
