I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
