Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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