Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
