Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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