today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
