If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
