It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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