ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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