Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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