You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im part way to drunk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
