I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
