She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
