mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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