I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
