Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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