I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You smell like stripper and shame
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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