lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
