I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
