i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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