Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
be right there i have to get my cape
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
