i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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