its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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