Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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