My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
