4 words: hood of his car
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
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