How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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