Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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