girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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