I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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