got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
