You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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