Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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