highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
