i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
