it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
