Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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