I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
