I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
