Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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