just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
