I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize