I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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