Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
