He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
