I think im going to throw up on grandma
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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