I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
