Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
