see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My bed smells like the plague
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
