im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
