you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
