i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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