I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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