it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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