You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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