Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
