Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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