It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
