I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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