omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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